‘Just don't throw up’ — The WV Weakly Wednesday Extra

Sensible advice for delivering a commencement speech

Illustration by Brian Pickens based on photos by my better half, Trina Bartlett, and Shepherd University’s Cecelia Mason

Thankfully, my anxiety over having to deliver a commencement speech over the weekend didn’t lead to an upset stomach. Otherwise, everyone who gathered at Shepherd University Saturday morning to receive their Master’s and Doctoral degrees might have had a very good reason to remember me for years to come.

I received the “just don’t throw up” advice while my wife and I attended a dinner Friday night at Popodicon, the official residence of Shepherd University’s President. I was being feted alongside the speaker the school had booked to deliver remarks to Shepherd’s undergraduates.

I had just finished whining about how petrified I was about having to stand up in front of a gym full of people expecting me to say something smart and relevant, when Shepherd’s acting Provost, Dr. Robert Tudor, tried to calm me with a bit of levity. He’s a kind man and he said something to the effect of “no one remembers who the speaker was at their graduation … unless you throw up.” That may not be an exact quote, but you get the gist.

The next morning, I made sure not to eat anything until after I had delivered my remarks.

May is not just about spring flowers and Mother’s Day. It’s also commencement season. Students around the country are receiving their diplomas and degrees — unless they’re protesting the war in Gaza, but that’s another story altogether.

Despite the willies, I was honored to be asked to play a small part in the commencement exercises at Shepherd and accept an honorary doctorate. Although I didn’t graduate from there, it was still something of a homecoming for me. Snyder Science Hall is named for my great-grandfather, who was the longtime editor and publisher of the old Shepherdstown Register newspaper. He was a big booster of the school in the early 20th century.

Below, you’ll find the text of the speech I delivered on Saturday. I have my old pals Cecelia Mason and Hans Fogle to thank for helping me get it right. If you want to watch it, hit this YouTube link.

See you back here on Saturday for the WV Weakly Reader — our roundup of the week’s news from around the state.

Good morning and thank you for having me. 

I never expected to receive an advanced degree - honorary or otherwise. I’m not sure that I’m necessarily worthy, but I was told that Shepherd does not make mistakes, so I’ll trust the judgment of others. 

Before I go any further, I should probably admit something to you. I don’t do a whole lot of public speaking — but the public nature of what I do for a living means I’m sometimes asked to deliver remarks at events like this. Whenever that happens, I usually start with a disclaimer — and that is, results may vary. 

I should probably also acknowledge something else. Being a student was never really my thing. I went to Marshall University in the 1980s. They probably gave me my undergrad degree to just get rid of me. I’ve often thought that if I had to do it all over again, I would have come here ... to Shepherd. My family has a strong connection to this place. You may have noticed Snyder Science Hall. It’s named for my great-grandfather - he was the editor and publisher of the old Shepherdstown Register newspaper and a huge Shepherd supporter. And many family members from yesteryear were among Shepherd’s graduates. 

That’s not to say that Marshall didn’t do its job. It was me, not MU. But I did listen from time to time. One thing that actually stuck was how clear-eyed my professors were about the career path I had planned for myself. They warned me and my fellow undergrads that if we were seeking to get rich, we should major in something else.

Being a broadcaster is not like being a doctor or a lawyer. You don’t just step into a good salary upon graduation. I made something like 13-thousand a year when I first started in public radio in 1988. I didn’t really catch up to my doctor and lawyer friends until I moved to the Eastern Panhandle and started commuting to NPR twenty years ago. 

I spent 16 years trying to get to NPR. Working at the network is a goal shared by many public radio journalists. And I never really lost sight of it. It took hard work and commitment to finally get there — the sort of dedication that you have shown to get here today. 

I started at NPR during the Iraq war. In 2008, I was in downtown Washington, D.C. when Barack Obama was elected president. The place was electric. And I was in the newsroom on election night in 2016, when Donald Trump pulled off a successful run for the White House.

And because of NPR, I once got to meet Wil Wheaton. Those of you who know me, know I’m a big Star Trek fan, so meeting Wil Wheaton was quite a treat. But of all the people I’ve met and  the major stories that I’ve had the privilege to help cover, there’s just one that really sticks out and it came while I was still working for West Virginia Public Radio. 

I was in southern West Virginia which had just been ravaged by floods that periodically plague the state. I came upon an elderly woman sitting on the porch of her home. The street in front of it looked like a streambed. It was strewn with huge rocks that were left behind by the floodwaters. When I spoke with her, water was still in her home. Not only was she dealing with that, but she had also lost her husband only a month before. But that woman was determined -- determined to move forward, determined to clean up and determined to reclaim her life. Despite the devastation all around her, she was inspiring. I think about her often.

This is all to say that I’ve gotten to do a few things and meet a few people that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t stuck with being a journalist. 

Which brings me to something my mother once told me -- that I’m like a dog with a bone. She was talking about my career choice and how I stayed with it. Many of the kids that I went to school with got out of the business pretty quickly because it’s hard to make a living as a journalist, especially as a radio journalist. But I was a dog with a bone. 

I persevered.  

And you know what? You did, too. 

You wouldn’t be here today if you hadn’t put it in the hard work that it takes to earn your Master's degree or your Doctorate. You’ve sacrificed a lot to get to this point.  Many of us don’t have the wherewithal to do what you have done, and you should be proud. You’ve shown the same sort of determination as that elderly woman I spoke with so many years ago. This is a big event and speaking as a journalist, I hope you document it well with plenty of selfies and videos. 

After today, you’ll be starting a new chapter. A chapter that I hope takes you to new heights, to places that  you never thought you’d see and to things that you never thought you’d have the opportunity to do. 

The bad news is you still have to be willing to do whatever is asked of you and put in long hours and hard work. You’ll also need to cultivate relationships with mentors and coworkers and it wouldn’t hurt to approach each day with a smile and a bright attitude. All of these things will guide you to a more prosperous career and future.

I’m grateful to have been allowed to play a small part. It is my hope that you never forget the school that helped make achieving your dreams possible. And I hope you will always come back and share your stories with Shepherd and the Shepherdstown community. 

This is a special day. It’s also a cloudy and rainy day so I'll leave you with a quote from John F. Kennedy. After he became President, he visited West Virginia. Like today, it was raining. When he spoke to the crowd gathered at the state capitol he said “The sun may not always shine on West Virginia. But the people always  do.” So let me riff on that and say to you, the sun may not always shine on Shepherdstown, but its University always does.

Today is Stars Wars Day. May the Fourth Be With You.

And if you have some money on today's Kentucky Derby, I hope your horse comes in. 

Thank you.